Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
