New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
