Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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