ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
