so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
