do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
