Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
