What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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