We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
