dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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