So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
