just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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