So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
