So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
