if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
