You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
