ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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