I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize