He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
