Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
