I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
