and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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