I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
