Yo dont text me then not text me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
