how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
