about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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