The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
