just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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