even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
