...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
