sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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