Need sex. Gaining weight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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