When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
