I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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