the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
