How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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