Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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