Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
