I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
