dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
