i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
