My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Be still, my beating vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
