my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
