You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
