her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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