and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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