I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
