Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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