Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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