I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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