Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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