So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
