yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
