did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
