Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
