There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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