Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
