Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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