I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
