Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her vagine was all disorganized.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
