My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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