you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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