jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Floor bacon is actually really good
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
