you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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