I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
