I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
