I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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