I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
