just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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