HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
