dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
