I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
