I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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