I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
