today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am one with the molecules
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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