im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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