when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
